Unpacking Year 32
It’s April the 6th, the time is 5:07 and it is my birthday. In the week leading to my birthday, I always try to reflect on the previous year and looking back at year 32, I cannot help but smile and give myself a pat on the back.
I remember sometime towards the end of last year I met a friend of mine for lunch and as we were updating each other on our lives, I told her that if I complained about anything at that moment, I’d be ungrateful. This was not to say that everything was roses, especially on that particular day as there was something significant and saddening that I was going through and I could not talk about it at the time yet I still saw fit to look back and say that the year has been going well.
My 32nd year on this earth has been a game changer for me, I feel like I prioritized myself and worked on myself so much. I made it a mission to dig deep into the uncomfortable parts about myself that I needed to work on and the results have been amazing. I spent time in silence, revisited situations, introspected on the role that I played, took accountability, and forgave myself. I let go of friendships that no longer serve me, doing this is not completely cutting ties with the people I have friendships with but more of establishing where I stand in that person's life and vice versa to me. I’ve learnt to manage expectations on how people treat me and what I bring to their lives and move according to the feeling that I have towards the relationship. I am left with a handful of people whom I feel bring the most peace in my life and ones that I can rely on and they can also rely on me when needed.
A meaningful step forward that I am grateful for and one I still cannot get over to this day is my graduation day. It was long overdue, oh and I had to fight at the end to ensure that I got what was due to me, it’s safe to say that the management of the institution was not happy with me at some point but the end everything was a success and I can finally say that I am a BACHELOR OF COMMERCE IN ECONOMICS GRADUATE!!! Not only did I make my childhood dream come true, but I also learned that I can fight a good fight, it took me 6 years to complete this degree, 6 years that included raising my soon-to-be 8-year-old boy with no help, working full-time, managing life, relationships, and friendships, dealing with losses and abuse, in all that I still had to dig deep within myself and remember the WHY of registering for this particular degree. When I say I DID THAT, it feels like I am not talking about myself. The character development that I got in the process of doing this degree is the cherry on top of the cake. I believe that I came out of the fire as a new person. I am so proud of myself for not giving up, I am so proud that my son got to witness that moment and was a part of it from his conception. I cannot wait to see the doors that will open for me and the endless possibilities that are at my disposal because of my discipline, resilience and not giving up on myself even though I felt like doing so many times. My young self is beaming with pride, I am ecstatic because she got what she always wanted and that brought her peace and pride. This degree was a reminder to myself of who I am and what I am capable of achieving.
As if that was not enough, I then registered for a short course in tax law with the University of Cape Town. What an interesting course for someone who would like to understand the laws and regulations behind tax matters and would like to get further knowledge on the subject matter, it was a short course but I found it interesting, and is something that I would like to explore more in the future to get a deeper understanding of the nitty gritty. This was mainly for my career development as with my current job I am exposed to working with the South African Revenue Services so knowing and understanding the basics of taxes, would mean that I can apply myself better in doing my job and be more observant of discrepancies. It was challenging and time-consuming as we had weekly submissions, again I had proven to myself that through it all, I come out victorious if I put my mind to something.
The biggest highlight of my year was finally getting married to the love of my life (customarily). In 2023 December 9th, my husband sent his uncles to my father's house to ask that I join their family. It was such a small and intimate event with family. The lobola negotiations took place and everything was a success. In 2024 March 29th, my family and I had to go to Cape Town as it was time for me to officially join and be introduced to my husband's ancestors. Such a defining moment in my life. On one hand, you are excited about the unknown, you love this person so much that the only thing that matters is that you are becoming part of who and what they are, nothing else matters. In the same breath, you are scared because you don’t know how these people are going to receive you, they will be your new family and you are leaving everything you know to join this family and learn everything about them and how they do things. It’s scary, a year later and the thought still scares me but I digress.
Xhosa culture is so beautiful, the older I get, the more I want to learn about it, embrace it, and teach my son about it. I arrived and entered my husband's home covered in a blanket so that my in-laws could not see me. I was escorted to a room where my sisters-in-law were waiting for me. The process began when I was stripped of the clothing I came in and they started dressing me in my makoti regalia, explaining what each item meant and symbolized, and also gave me a new name that I will be going by. The elder women of the family also had a few words to say about what is expected from a wife in their family, what it meant to be part of the family and the do’s and don’ts. From there I was taken to be introduced to the uncles of the family, they were waiting for me outside. I had to sit on the floor on the African grass mat facing down. My sisters-in-law told the uncles and the other people that were there my new name, they slaughtered a goat for me as a sign of introducing me to the ancestors and I went through the “tsiki” process. My makoti duties commenced from there and I was officially part of the clan.
My family came the following day and there was a celebratory lunch. It was so beautiful to watch our families become one, my husband and I were so happy, the past year was interesting, it was beautiful but it also had its challenges. However, we always found a way of working past things. We are still standing and happy. In a few weeks, my family will be welcoming his family. I am in the process of planning for that event and am so excited about it. I married my best friend, the father of my child and the love of my life. I am excited to see what the future holds for us, experience growing older together, and achieve our dreams together.
I got to see the hand of God at play in my life last year. In November, I was on my way to work and was due for a trip to Cape Town as we had a surprise 50th birthday for my sister. I got into an accident, the car overturned, was spinning, and I lost control of it. The car was a complete write-off, both windscreens were out, doors broken, and a complete wreck, and I came out of that vehicle unharmed. When I look at the pictures of that car and how I came out, the only way I can justify or make sense of not being harmed is by saying it was all God. When the accident was happening, I was conscious of what was taking place, yet trying to find something to hold on to as I was not sure if the seatbelt would provide the safety that I required. From that day onwards, I made a promise to myself to start living my life, do whatever I want, whatever makes me happy because we are only here for a limited time, the accident could have ended in severe injuries or even fatality but God spared my life and gave me a second chance and that is something I do not take for granted.
This is the most peace I have felt in my life in a long time. I am calmer and less hard on myself; I am learning to trust the process and to be more present in the moment. I appreciate the people in my life more and I am even more determined to chase my dreams because every time I think back to that day and imagine it to have been my last, I always think of the many things I had placed for tomorrow as if I am certain that I still have time left or tomorrow has been promised to me.
In the Christian belief, the year 33 is associated with the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus and as this is my first day of year 33, this is the time for new beginnings, I want to be more intentional with the things I spend my time doing, this is the year where I want to focus on my career and make different moves, it is a time for me to go back to the things that I love the most, do more of my hobbies and create a sanctuary for my family. This is my year of complete peace. It is mine, I have been working towards it. ALL THINGS WILL WORK FOR MY GOOD!!!!
A HAPPY 33RD BIRTHDAY TO MYSELF 😊.
